Never will I ever...

DISCLAIMER: I try my best do not judge you if you do these things. I just don't ever want to catch myself doing them. Far be it from me to step on somebody's toes.

A few days ago, my younger brother came over to hang out and escape from my parents' house. This ultimately meant that he was forced to help me run errands. I dragged him to and fro, doing “adult chores” for several hours. This must have jostled something loose in his mind because, in the pasta isle of Kroger, he reminded me, “You're getting married in nine months. What are you going to do?”

I gave the comical and immediate answer, “Panic.” Yet, the question had me back in planning mode. I had to get the cake, the invites, etc. I have a tendency to forget those details because I'm more concerned with the marriage as apposed to the wedding. The life time after-party is a bit higher on the list of priorities. Trailing along my thought path, I thought of friends and aquaintences who have already settled down...then laughed. Everyone has what they want to do/be when they are married... but what about what NOT to do or be when married. Thus, I give you my personal list.  Never will I ever:

1. Use the word “hubby.”

        Why oh why do some women find this cute? I see so many facebook statuses, “The hubby and I are out to dinner,” “My hubby is just the best,” and “I love the hubby so much <3.” Is it just me, or is there a supposition of emotional maturity when agreeing to be with someone for the rest of your life? Here is how my brain views this.

Dad :: Daddy; Husband :: Hubby

2. Count anything (relationship-wise) in months.

        Now, if someone asks, “how long have you been married?” and we haven't   hit a year, of course I can't strictly follow this rule, but beyond that, you will NOT see me prancing around proclaiming that it's my two month anniversary.

 

Didn't think I'd have to add "take him on walks" to the list.

3. Become the expert.

       “In order to get a man, you must...” NO! First of all, there is nothing wrong with being single. Some are single by choice and some just haven't found the right person. Either way, this hypothetical person probably hasn't done anything wrong in order to “deserve” singleness. Being married does not give anyone the right to throw out advice as if their exact recipe for relationships with work for everyone's oven settings. More likely than not, you were in the right place at the right time. 

  

4. Use the term “we're pregnant.” 

       You have no clue how irksome that term is. You two are not pregnant; the WOMAN is pregnant.... unless science has discovered something new. Along this line, I will also never be caught saying “preggers” or “prego” (with the exception of pasta sauce).

So there is my list. I've probably shot myself in the foot by making it public. Someone, probably my husband, will catch me breaking my own rule, and I will never hear the end of it. Oh well. At least I'll start out with standards.