Adventures with Sweaty Hands

To quote Poe's The Tell Tale Heart, "TRUE! nervous, very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why WILL you say that I am mad?"

Conjure up the image of such a person.  Perhaps he or she has a twitch of the eye?  A habit of pacing?  And, of course, his or her hands must be disgustingly sweaty, as this person wrings them constantly.

Here is my confession- I am nothing like this person, except for the hands.  Sweaty hands make everything awkward.

Seriously.  Think of the basic romantic gesture of holding hands.  Physical contact in a pure and simple manner.  Cute right?  Not if your palm is slipperier than the BP oil spill.  The first date is often fine because it involves talking and food, occasionally a movie.  The second date arises, I figure I like this guy and so I let my heart do its dance as he inches closer to my...hand?  STOP!  I have to kill the mood every. single. time.  There is simply no way to keep a romantic feeling in the air when you're warning someone that he is risking his hygiene by touching you.  If there is no warning, I can see the reaction in his face.

Oh, this is it.  We're moving forward.  Let me just inch my hand to hers.  Oh!  She notices, but she's not moving her hand.  Great.  Time to...oh....oh, that's gross.  It's all wet and warm.  Is she really that nervous?  Will it always be like this?  It's too late now, I'll just have to smile and pretend I didn't notice.  Just wait for the next excuse to let go.

Moving out of the romatic realm and into a more practical one, think how many times you shake someone's hand.  Granted, being Catholic, my tally may be a bit higher than most, but that's beyond the point.  Every time you're introduced to someone, you are expected to shake hands.  When you make an agreement, shake hands.  When you get over a fight, shake hands.  When you're saying goodbye to that person who is not quite a friend with you but not quite unknown to you, shake freaking hands.

Just last Monday, I attended my first session of student teaching.  During my cooperating teacher's planning period, she was kind enough to parade me around the school in order to introduce me to the important people: the principal, the secretary, the janitor, other teachers, etc.  I was in a new mode.  I call it professional.  Unfortunately, that meant I had to shake hands with many people, most of whom will forget they met me and ask for a hall pass within a week.  Upon the normal jitters of taking on the responsibilities of an educator, I was now rather embarrassed in front of what I hoped to be my colleagues.  

Enough whining.  What to do about it?  Some tactics I've found helpful involve quick fixes that won't last long.  One is the old classic of wiping your hand on your pants.  This can be done inconspicuously by putting your hand in your pocket.  It's even better if you have a handkerchief in there.  Another life saver is hand sanitizer.  The alcohol dries like none other!  Washing you hands also works, but I find it gives you a less-gross excuse for having a damp hand.  "Sorry, I just washed my hands" sounds a lot better than "sorry, my body excretes fluids" (No one actually says the second one, but that is how it will always be interpreted).

If you're like me, you just learn to live with the sweat.  Not just live with it, accept it, embrace it, and effing deal with it!  Heck, Joss Whedon turned it into a super power... sort of.

"Do you need anything dampened or made soggy or...?"

A Revelation and A Resolution

I've figured it out!  Or... perhaps I have put something together that everyone already knew.  Regardless, I felt the need to share my discovery.  First allow me to take you on a magical journey through my thought process.

I was driving home from work this summer and contemplating the idea of "nerd" vs "geek".  In doing so, I was trying to dissect the various activities and interests that each stereotypically enjoys. What I found were not the differences but an overwhelming amount of similarities in the PURPOSE of these activities.

Let's name a few:
1. reading (normally in the realm of Science Fiction or Fantasy)
2. LARPing
3. card games (Pokemon, Magic, etc)
4. video games
5. strategy/story based board games
6. anything related to computers (from programming to blogging)
7. cosplay
9. TV shows that deal with the impossible things
10. comic books/manga

Okay... so that list can continue and feel free to add your own, but I have a point to make.  All of these activities center around one thing-- escaping.  The participator is being taken, through imagination/graphics, to another world for a small amount of time.  Granted, the participator knows they are safe and nothing in that world can ACTUALLY harm them, but he or she is willing to fully immerse his or her self anywhere from half an hour to several days.  Nerds and geeks are in a state of escapism.

Now we get to the question of why.  Why, when the actual senses can be tingled and tantalized by reality, would one wish to live in a fantasy world?   Coming from a nerd, let me tell you that it's easier.  Human interaction can be terrifying.  There's this little thing called "trust" that can get you in the back.  The real world offers disappointments and responsibilities.  Starting from the bullying in elementary school, to losing a job or not being able to pay the rent when entering adulthood.  And, to quote Amanda Palmer, "it's so depressing when people die in real life".  It is easier to leave reality for a world where everything is always interesting and, more importantly, not real.  As much as one can become attached to Dumbledore and cry at his death with simple sadness (sorry, was that still a spoiler?  Pfft!) it is easier to deal with that than to go through the complicated slew of emotions that come from losing a grandparent-- sadness, yes, but also guilt for not spending enough time with them, confusion as to why, possibly disgust at seeing a body, and then back to guilt.

Oops, I hit on serious... I swear this thing is writing itself.  Anyway, I'm not saying this is a good thing.  To escape from time to time is needed, and sometimes healthy.  Yet, I want to be able to look back on my life and tell a next generation of  what I accomplished, the people I met, the mistakes I made and what I learned from them.  I don't want to be prompted to tell them about my younger years and respond... "Well, I slew that dragon of...... I fell in love with The Doctor..... I ..... I... " things at all add up to I read, I watched TV, and I played games.

On Swearing (AKA Call me a prude)

In my mind there are two types of swearing, using words that have been deemed inappropriate and taking the Lord’s name in vain.

Now every language has it’s own form of cursing or swearing, ESPECIALLY a “developed“ society. It’s only natural. When one cannot express their stronger emotions in a physical manner one finds an outlet in language. A developed society often looks down upon said physical reactions (ie fighting) and, although they don’t condone the use of foul language, it is accepted as a less damaging focus.

Surprise upon surprise, I think this is great. Language is the way humans have discovered to deal with emotions. In a study (which I really wish I could give you a solid reference) it was proven that humans who swore could deal with physical pain for a longer period of time than those who didn’t. Yes, it’s all mental, but isn’t that the point?

Now here comes the downside. People swear to look cool. We’ve all fallen into it at some point or another. To quote Spongebob, words are used as “sentence enhancers” rather than actual stress relief. This is, first off, annoying, and more importantly dangerous to the language. The whole point of curse words to have a more intense form of language on which to fall back. When these words become common place, it ruins the intensity.

The second form of swearing is putting one of these words next to “God”. Now, there are some cases when one is actually calling out to a God, and if that is the case, go for it. Otherwise, I ask you as nicely as possible to please avoid this. God is a term used by many religions and, like a swear, it is a very powerful word. If it were not, it would not be used in such a manner so often. If not for respect to said God, than for the respect of the people who hold a high deity dear to them, please understand what you’re saying.

I guess that is what this all comes down to; understand what you are saying

Some Like it Hot

    My taste in guys is unorthodox to say the least.  And, although physical appearances aren’t ridiculously high on the list, there are some features that stick out for me.  Among them are a nice smile…and glasses.
    I have had friends ask me “why glasses?  It makes no sense.  Glasses are an unnatural thing.”  I have found this an odd question with an odd line of reasoning.  You can ask a man why he likes boobs, and he could certainly answer with biological reasons but it would falter at a personal level.  Boobs may be natural (or not) but they are an exterior thing.  They are something, to me, that makes no sense to be attractive.  (Before I continue, I’d like to say that woman and men are equally as shallow.  http://www.cracked.com/article_18866_5-reasons-women-are-as-shallow-as-men-according-to-science.html )  Yet, the question began a line of thought that I could not stop.  Glasses?  Why glasses?  How are they possibly sexy?  Here is the conclusion I have reached:

    The general opinion from women on what makes men attractive has changed over time (if you read the link, you’ll see what it is currently), yet for men’s view on women it has stayed somewhat constant.  Why is this?  It returns to our basic instincts.  Men are attracted to woman, whether they realize it or not, who can give them healthy children.  These women are fit, curvy, and have a general healthy look about them (fuller hair, clean skin, etc.)  For women, again whether we realize it or not, we look for someone who can provide for us.  I’m not trying to be sexist here at all.  I imagine in the days of the cavemen it was someone very fit because one needed to hunt in order to survive.  On a tour of Jamestown (I think), I recall a tour guide saying that the attractive men were the ones with a bit of a belly and pale because they had money and could pay others to work for them.  It changed back to bronze and brawny at some point.  We no longer live in a society where the buff man makes all the money.  The jock is thought to peak in high school.  It is the educated man who is going to “most suitable” to bring home a decent salary and, therefore, afford food.  What do educated men do?  They read!  Either with a book or a computer screen, eyes have to be focused on small words for a good portion of the day.  This leads to problems with sight and therefore….wait for it… glasses!

    This could very well be me defending a position that doesn’t need to be defended.  Circular logic is sometimes called for- I like when guys wear glasses because I like when guys wear glasses.  Yet, I’m rather proud of my conclusion, so from now on, if asked I will give the lengthier of the two.