Conjure up the image of such a person. Perhaps he or she has a twitch of the eye? A habit of pacing? And, of course, his or her hands must be disgustingly sweaty, as this person wrings them constantly.
Here is my confession- I am nothing like this person, except for the hands. Sweaty hands make everything awkward.
Seriously. Think of the basic romantic gesture of holding hands. Physical contact in a pure and simple manner. Cute right? Not if your palm is slipperier than the BP oil spill. The first date is often fine because it involves talking and food, occasionally a movie. The second date arises, I figure I like this guy and so I let my heart do its dance as he inches closer to my...hand? STOP! I have to kill the mood every. single. time. There is simply no way to keep a romantic feeling in the air when you're warning someone that he is risking his hygiene by touching you. If there is no warning, I can see the reaction in his face.
Oh, this is it. We're moving forward. Let me just inch my hand to hers. Oh! She notices, but she's not moving her hand. Great. Time to...oh....oh, that's gross. It's all wet and warm. Is she really that nervous? Will it always be like this? It's too late now, I'll just have to smile and pretend I didn't notice. Just wait for the next excuse to let go.
Moving out of the romatic realm and into a more practical one, think how many times you shake someone's hand. Granted, being Catholic, my tally may be a bit higher than most, but that's beyond the point. Every time you're introduced to someone, you are expected to shake hands. When you make an agreement, shake hands. When you get over a fight, shake hands. When you're saying goodbye to that person who is not quite a friend with you but not quite unknown to you, shake freaking hands.
Just last Monday, I attended my first session of student teaching. During my cooperating teacher's planning period, she was kind enough to parade me around the school in order to introduce me to the important people: the principal, the secretary, the janitor, other teachers, etc. I was in a new mode. I call it professional. Unfortunately, that meant I had to shake hands with many people, most of whom will forget they met me and ask for a hall pass within a week. Upon the normal jitters of taking on the responsibilities of an educator, I was now rather embarrassed in front of what I hoped to be my colleagues.
Enough whining. What to do about it? Some tactics I've found helpful involve quick fixes that won't last long. One is the old classic of wiping your hand on your pants. This can be done inconspicuously by putting your hand in your pocket. It's even better if you have a handkerchief in there. Another life saver is hand sanitizer. The alcohol dries like none other! Washing you hands also works, but I find it gives you a less-gross excuse for having a damp hand. "Sorry, I just washed my hands" sounds a lot better than "sorry, my body excretes fluids" (No one actually says the second one, but that is how it will always be interpreted).
If you're like me, you just learn to live with the sweat. Not just live with it, accept it, embrace it, and effing deal with it! Heck, Joss Whedon turned it into a super power... sort of.
"Do you need anything dampened or made soggy or...?"
No comments:
Post a Comment