My Review of the Diva Cup

Allow me to start with my experience first trying the Diva Cup.  If you simply want the review, scroll down to the second half.

I must have an oddly-shaped vagina.  I don’t say this from looking closely, but from my experience with my period.  Tampons just don’t work.  If anything they are a temporary dam that will soon flood the city.  Pads have been my only option, and even those have led to some disasters.  So when I started to hear about menstrual cups, my first thought was that they would never work for me.   Still, I’m a sucker for anything that helps the environment AND saves me money, so when I walked by the Diva Cup in a grocery store, I figured, “what the hell,” and went for it.

And then…. I forgot about it.  It sat in its box under my sink for at least a month.  My period came and was about to go when I remembered that purchase.  Opening the package was easy.  The cup itself was there along with a small drawstring pouch to keep it in, and a slip of instructions complete with easy to follow diagrams.

 I found that I was excited to try out this new-age product for the modern woman.  I congratulated myself on my willingness to try something new as I boiled the silicone cup (I am paranoid about what I stick up there).  I smiled as I read the directions, knowing how I was about to help the environment.  I continued to smile as I followed them step by step: putting the cup in an origami fold, finding the opening, and pushing it into place.  My smile was gone by the last step.  I pushed harder.  At this point I was still hopeful.  I refolded and tried again.  That darn cup would not go up inside me.  When I finally wedged it up near my cervix, it would not unfold.  The directions stressed the importance of turned the cup 260 degrees so that the cup could fully expand.  It refused to turn.  Deciding it would probably just adjust itself as I walked, I pulled up my pants and walked around the house.  Have you ever had a small balloon in your lady parts?  Me neither, but I imagine that is what it would feel like.  I blamed it all on my weird vagina.  Defeated, I removed the cup and decided it wasn’t for me.

Periods come and go and I haven't thought much about my cup.  It sits patiently next to my makeup bag and other unused items in my bathroom drawer.   Then the faithful day hit.  A clusterfuck of events ensued all leading me back to my Diva Cup: first day back to school, running late because of child, period starts, I only have one pad.  Yikes!  I was desperate, so I took my Diva Cup in the shower with me, cleaned it, and (roughly) shoved it in my vagina.  

Maybe it was the fact that I was no longer being gentle or maybe the blood lubricated me a bit better this time, but it went in!  

The whole day I went without a single leak.  I kept that one pad on and changed emptied the cup much more than needed, but I certainly didn't have to.  

Finally I was able to congratulate myself on my ability to shove a silicone cup up my hooha. 

Review 

The Good

Once I figured out how to use it, I LOVED the Diva Cup.  For one, if it's in right you don't have to worry about it.  Not only do you not feel it but it can be left alone for up to 12 hours.  Assuming you are not cramping, you may forget your are having your period.  

One big factor for me was the fact that it has never leaked.  Not once.  I can go without a security pad.  The freedom!

Also, between emptying it, all you need to do is rinse it in warm/hot water.  How easy is that?

The Bad

Watch for the smell.  It is kinda like rotten eggs but also like garbage.  The smell is not pleasant. The smell happens if you don't clean the cup properly (so it's really my fault).  There are specific soaps that are allowed once you are done with your cup for the month (or about to start again).  Do NOT use scented soaps or just anything you have lying around your house.  This is a bit of a hassle at first, especially if you purchase the cup without prior knowledge.  

A mechanics issue arises when you have to empty your cup in a public bathroom.  Do you walk out of the stall with clenched legs to rinse it off?  I hope not.   I solved this problem by avoiding it, but I know some ladies who carry a squirt bottle in their bags.

My other complaint was stated above.  It does take a while to figure out how to use it.  It doesn't seem natural to shove folded silicone into your vagina (unless it does for you, in which case no judgement).  The folding and then twisting takes practice.  I suggest pushing it up farther than you think it should go and then baring down to move it to your hand for the twist motion.  

Do I Recommend It?

YES!  Do you know how much money I've saved?  Do you know how great it feels to not wear a leaky tampon or a wet pad?  The awkward first day was worth it.  

If you have the patience and a period, I suggest running out to the nearest "natural" store and purchasing one.  I'm wearing it right now.

In Defense of Dandelions

As a child, my father used to warn me about dandelions.  I would be out the door in a frenzy to blow the white-fluff flowers around and make as many wishes as the cosmos would allow.  Three flowers in, my father would walk outside and entreat me not to spread the weed.  “It kills the yard,” he would say.  Instead of simply stopping me from blowing the white ones, he would tempt me to pick all the yellow ones, offering me a nickel for every yellow flower picked.  

                It was not a bad way to make money; even my young self was aware of this.  Yet, when he wasn’t looking, I would blow a burst of seeds into the air.  Now I was doubly motivated- more seeds made more flowers, more flowers meant more nickels.

                As an adult, I still enjoy finding the happy yellow flowers around and will occasionally make a wish as I scatter the seeds.  And, as an adult, I have come to research these “weeds” only to find that perhaps father doesn’t always know best.

                First let’s address the idea that dandelions are weeds.  Yes, it is true that they are fast growers, absorb nutrients, and are very difficult to kill.  In my mind, this makes them super plants.  Their roots can grow through rock, sidewalk, and reach depths of 17 feet. Wow!  But this does not, if spaced right, kill off other plants.  In fact, dandelion roots loosen the soil, making it easier for water and nutrients to reach surrounding plants.  The concept that the dandelion is threatening did not immerge until recently (recently meaning the last couple of centuries).  This was due to the popularity of the ‘lawn.’  Now notice I didn’t say yard.  People have owned land and used their yards as they have pleased for years.  A lawn is different: a lawn must be green grass and only that; a lawn must be even and manicured; a lawn has no room for the stubborn dandelion.

                Did you know that dandelion root, despite being common, is rather pricey compared to other tea ingredients?  If you are looking for organic tea that hasn’t been mixed with any other herbs, you could end up spending anywhere from $14-$35 for a small box.  That only comes with 16 tea bags.  If you drink a cup daily, you won’t get through a month.  Why the high price?  Well, bursting with vitamins (A, B, C, and D) and nutrients (calcium, potassium, and iron- just to name a few), dandelions have wonderful health benefits.  The roasted root for tea is often used as a substitute for coffee, especially by those who are trying to avoid caffeine.   Beyond energy, dandelion has natural chemicals that increase the production of urine.  This helps the body cleanse itself.  Many people use dandelion as a way to help with stomach problems such as indigestion or intestinal gas.  These chemicals also reduce swelling, making dandelion an excellent remedy for bruises.  Scientists are looking into dandelion to help with liver problems and even diabetes. 

In relation to health, some people have allergies to ingesting dandelions.  Like all allergies, this can range from a mild to severe reaction.  To those people, I would recommend NOT eating dandelions in any form.  

                Now, to give my father credit, yes, if you are concerned about your lawn, dandelions will take nutrients from your fragile grass.  If this is a concern for you, please don’t spray them!  Actually, if you let your grass grow above the dandelions, the lack of sun will kill them for you.  Your yard will look wild for a bit, but it is worth saving the soil and wildlife from toxins found in weed killer.  Or, you could go the old fashioned way and pull them out by their roots.  I suggest paying a small child to do this.  They are closer to the ground and are easily swayed by shiny coins.

                No studies have been done on whether or not dandelion wishes have any power.  I’m holding out hope.

Works Cited

"Five Things You Need to Know About Dandelions." GreenerGreenGrass Organic Lawn Care Blog. N.p., 11 Aug. 2010. Web. 24 Feb. 2015.

Pulisher, Charlie. "11 Health Benefits of Dandelion and Dandelion Root - Sunwarrior News." Sunwarrior News RSS. N.p., 15 Apr. 2013. Web. 24 Feb. 2015.

Sanchez, Anita. "Dandelions." Dandelions. N.p., n.d. Web. 24 Feb. 2015.

                 

Nobody is out to get you

Quickly think of a villain from a childhood movie.  Got one?  Good.  Now try to sympathize with him or her.

Most likely you can't.  This is because children's movies try to keep things simple.  The good guys may have one or two flaws, but those turn into lessons for the audience.  The bad guys are pretty much that...bad. They kill their henchmen without blinking, they are rude, they are arrogant.   All in all, no body cries when the villain loses. 

They're all good at heart...right?

Do you ever wonder if this idea of a "bad guy" has stained our adult minds.  I have no doubt.  Just look at a few political posts on Facebook:

(Actual examples have been removed out of respect for privacy on FB.  Below are a rough idea.)

*They're all out to take away my (1st, 2nd, 3rd...etc) amendment rights!
*They just want to make it so only they can have (jobs, power, status)!
*Can you believe them?! This law is obviously targeting (me, my social class, race, religion)!


Do you see the common factor here?  Each person believes that the other side is the epitome of evil.  Each Democrat views Republicans as greedy business men who want to strip them of any personal freedoms.  Each Republican views Democrats as self-centered hippies bent on killing babies and wasting government money.


This may be a wake up call, but the "other side" is not a Disney villain.


Each person is doing what they think is best in life.  People who push for government funded programs are not being self centered; they often are hoping to help others.  People who are pro-life are not trying to restrict women to gender roles or trap them, they are concerned about the life of a child.  I'm not saying there are not a few bad eggs in every group but, give me (most) any of the popular political movements, and I bet I could give you a good intention behind it.

This is true for any rival groups: the young and the old, religious followings, the North and the South....the Sharks and the Jets.

One day, we'll solve all arguments with dance-fighting!

If we remember that, we may actually accomplish something in this cut-throat political game.  We're all just humans, trying to do what we think is best. This is not a fairy tale; it's much better than that.

Your First Day of Teaching

 You’re tired, and I mean seriously tired.  The previous week was full of professional development days, preparing your lessons (because, hey, you’re starting from scratch), meetings, setting up your classroom, and a shit ton of requirements that your school decides you need to accomplish AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!  Then, all of a sudden, the day arrives. The students are here. Now you have the plans and materials for maybe two or three days, but you did not think of how to present any of it.

With all of that preparation, you know what to teach but not what type of teacher you want to be.  Any ideal vision of your "teacher self" has been blurred beyond recognition.  And, at that point, it doesn’t matter because, like I said, you’re tired.  So you go through the lessons, switching between strict and understanding like a drunk taking a sobriety test.  

                                          Nobody is giving you an apple.  Leave that dream behind now.

All of that preparation seems to have gone out the window as well because the class period never is the right amount of time.  You are either out of plans, staring at the clock, trying so so hard to move it with your mind while you make up a review game, or you hear the bell ring before you had time to fully discuss the meaning of participle (not to mention give the homework assignment).  

Then your saving grace arrives- planning period.  This is a moment for you.  A time to organize the over-copied syllabi on your desk, to take care of grading, to evaluate your mistakes and tell yourself you will not do that again next period.  It sounds great doesn't it?  But you don't do any of that.  

You run around the school looking for the tech guy because your laptop won't connect to the projector.  You go sit in on another teacher's class in order to see how she does it.   You get lost because you are basically a frightened freshman all over again.

The end of the day arrives.  You survived!  You sit at your desk, more exhausted than you ever thought possible.  You take half an hour to do all the things you had hoped to do during planning period.  Then you stare at the pile of notebooks, plans, and textbooks that must be ready for tomorrow.  Nobody expects you to take that all home right?  Grabbing the lightest things to accomplish that night, you decide to come in early for everything else.  

And you are home at last.

Nothing has changed there despite your hectic day, and, to you, that is the most beautiful sight.  You let your bag drop on the kitchen floor as you stare at the fridge.  A light dinner, a bit of grading, a glance at tomorrow's lesson plans.  That's all you have time for before your body takes over.


Then you sleep like you have never slept before.

Never will I ever...

DISCLAIMER: I try my best do not judge you if you do these things. I just don't ever want to catch myself doing them. Far be it from me to step on somebody's toes.

A few days ago, my younger brother came over to hang out and escape from my parents' house. This ultimately meant that he was forced to help me run errands. I dragged him to and fro, doing “adult chores” for several hours. This must have jostled something loose in his mind because, in the pasta isle of Kroger, he reminded me, “You're getting married in nine months. What are you going to do?”

I gave the comical and immediate answer, “Panic.” Yet, the question had me back in planning mode. I had to get the cake, the invites, etc. I have a tendency to forget those details because I'm more concerned with the marriage as apposed to the wedding. The life time after-party is a bit higher on the list of priorities. Trailing along my thought path, I thought of friends and aquaintences who have already settled down...then laughed. Everyone has what they want to do/be when they are married... but what about what NOT to do or be when married. Thus, I give you my personal list.  Never will I ever:

1. Use the word “hubby.”

        Why oh why do some women find this cute? I see so many facebook statuses, “The hubby and I are out to dinner,” “My hubby is just the best,” and “I love the hubby so much <3.” Is it just me, or is there a supposition of emotional maturity when agreeing to be with someone for the rest of your life? Here is how my brain views this.

Dad :: Daddy; Husband :: Hubby

2. Count anything (relationship-wise) in months.

        Now, if someone asks, “how long have you been married?” and we haven't   hit a year, of course I can't strictly follow this rule, but beyond that, you will NOT see me prancing around proclaiming that it's my two month anniversary.

 

Didn't think I'd have to add "take him on walks" to the list.

3. Become the expert.

       “In order to get a man, you must...” NO! First of all, there is nothing wrong with being single. Some are single by choice and some just haven't found the right person. Either way, this hypothetical person probably hasn't done anything wrong in order to “deserve” singleness. Being married does not give anyone the right to throw out advice as if their exact recipe for relationships with work for everyone's oven settings. More likely than not, you were in the right place at the right time. 

  

4. Use the term “we're pregnant.” 

       You have no clue how irksome that term is. You two are not pregnant; the WOMAN is pregnant.... unless science has discovered something new. Along this line, I will also never be caught saying “preggers” or “prego” (with the exception of pasta sauce).

So there is my list. I've probably shot myself in the foot by making it public. Someone, probably my husband, will catch me breaking my own rule, and I will never hear the end of it. Oh well. At least I'll start out with standards.